Falling Off The Love Wagon

And into pain and fear …

In the past, I have not seen how much I have blamed others for my feelings, and turned my venom on them, most recently a man in my life. When I judge I allow my fear to take charge and I blame the other for my feelings and experience. The fear is powerful in its subtlety, and I don’t see it for what it is, fear creates my ego state and I don’t own my projections, I become reactive, angry, controlling, and manipulative. I see how others are falling short and ignore my own upset. I worry about other’s judgments, but in truth mostly I fear of my own wrath. Posting this is a choice to feel freer, and that makes it worth it. I am already stronger and more powerful as I just tell the truth. And this vulnerability stuff is tricky. As I begin to see this pattern, I have a choice, self judgment or back to Love?  I choose Self. Forgiveness. and Love. Now.

Within this body, when not aligned with love, I act from fear. And when I do that I express and behave in ways that are consistent with the pain of fear ~ I feel alone, outside of love. I appear to be an angry, hostile, ungrateful and demanding person. But no matter what I show up with from that place, this is not Me. I am not these things. I am have never been this and will never be this. And neither are you.

I AM love and joy and playful passion, fulfillment, grace, and beauty. I am sensuous, abundant, and playful in my nature, I am irreverent and joyful in my heart, intelligent, happy and content to be without opinions but in love. My one knowing is that love lifts, prevails, heals, moves and graces us with the miracle of being ourselves. There is no more or less to life, than love. And I am it. And so are you.

So where to start? Heal the fear first, release any judgments toward myself, I return to walking with love in my heart. Once I do that,  I don’t ever behave in a way that is inconsistent with who I AM. until I forget again. Someday I may stop forgetting. For now, it is great to know that all it takes is to Love again.

Let us hold our light high and walk together today in Love.

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