I am so grateful to know and experience the feeling that is Love, flow, ease, grace and the way that feeling gently rests in my body.

And this feeling, this Hell, is not that. This feeling is Fear: pain, upset, suffering, no breath, and the way that feeling tears into my body.

I woke with fear in my heart last night. An argument with my son, a loss of perspective, a demand to control do it the way that makes me feels safe. And all that undermines my peace. Well, and his. In other words, I fell into the Hell of my own making.
Earlier in the evening, I was gently floating along in my life, discussing Love with a friend and all full of good juju, cruising in Heaven, and then,

Hell.

Just one thought that I accepted that didn’t actually affirm me, just one thought I accepted that someone else was less than the God that they are, one thought that what was happening ‘should not be like this’  and I went out the window. I shut down. I lost mySelf and My experience was Hell.

For me, there is no waiting for the afterlife to find Heaven or Hell. I feel it. Right here. Right now. In my body.

And then, I just look to see where my attention is… love, appreciation, joy, passion, compassion, grace…
OR, fear, judgement, divisiveness, right/wrong, good/bad, pain, blame …

Ron Hulnick (President University of Santa Monica) gave me a key when he said, all it takes is just One judgmental thought to know that you have left the loving, and in my words, left the gates of Heaven. Some fear has crept in and I think perhaps it is just a small disruption, but there is no such thing.

Living in Heaven is dependent on me seeing it all in a Perfection of love; honoring life as it is unfolding and allowing the grace to support me; surrender, in other words, humility.

I have noticed that he is absolutely right.

I can feel the clear openness of  Heaven and I can feel Hell come over me. Can you?

I live in Heaven. But my ego lives in Hell, and from there, I cannot remember Heaven.

In talking about this right now, I can feel the fingers of the closing in mist of Hell reaching out to envelop me,
but,
Recently I have lost my fascination with Hell.
So,
I choose to remember Heaven.

It is an act of faith.

I love heaven. In remembering Heaven, I have remembered myself.
Reclaiming myself from the fingers of the mist,
Now, Again, I live in Heaven.
and,
You are all here with me,

I love you,

Katherine